Between the hilarious death messages and the faux announcements, the GemStone Staff has a lot of fun with us on April Fool’s Day. We’ll try to keep up with them on Discord as the day goes on and record them below for posterity!
Wyrom — 12:02 AM in General-Announcements
Due to strain on the game engine, inventory caps will be reduced to 10 worn items and 100 held items. This change is effective immediately.
Casil — 12:15 AM in General-Announcements
Due to poor decisions regarding inventory management, GM Casil has staged a coup and has taken GemStone IV by force.
Effective immediately:
The game has been renamed to Ta’ElfStone IV.
All characters are now elves, dark elves, or half-elves.
Common has been deleted from the game.
Encumbrance has been deleted from the game.
You can now hold 10 weapons or shields in your hands at once (5 in each), worn inventory caps have been removed, and all containers hold 1000 items each regardless of size.
The mouth inventory slot has been added and can fit up to 10 marshmallows before you will need a cleric.
Warlockes — 3:22 AM in General-Announcements
To maximize services, we will be removing humans from the GALD process of merchanting, and replacing them with automated systems. Each customer will have 30 seconds to provide a carefully worded prompt for our Generative AI engine, after which they will have no more than 30 seconds to choose one among 10 suggested alterations. Anyone exceeding the allotted time will get random rolled alterations from the automated loot table. Feature alterations provide no guarantees on the correct number of appendages.
Warlockes — 4:35 AM in General-Announcements
In light of the 35th Anniversary of GemStone, ignoring the even older versions of GemStone that no longer exist, careful consideration has been given to the past three decades of world setting development. Upon review it has been determined that the past 30 years of intellectual property development were an obviously misguided experiment. The multi-author continuity of volunteer contributors over decades is no match for the genre control and internal cohesion of tabletop fantasy source books.
For this reason the lore is being rolled back to what it was in 1995. We are confident this renewed focus on nostalgia will be a great draw for returning players. World setting details can now be purchased from their license holders in PDF, paperback, or even hardcover formats. While most of this content will never be relevant to GemStone itself, we will have the flexibility to easily pick and choose which parts to adopt arbitrarily.
With GemStone V returning to the I.C.E. Age, we will immediately be reintroducing item breakage, as well as droppage upon death and all inventory upon decaying. Deeds will be necessary to prevent permanent death. Death’s Sting will be replaced with permanent stat losses. Existing materials will no longer be allowed as new items or alterations, unless they have a conversion to an approved I.C.E. equivalent. While it will undoubtedly take decades to bring the game mechanics back into alignment with the original design, players will be able to enjoy reliving the 90s, with many areas in the game having no basis in the new documentation.
To commemorate this change, we will be expanding the glacial ice sheets south from the Hinterwilds, with Icemule Trace becoming the Forewilds, and the Landing environs simply being the Wilds as it always was on the old maps. Those may still be downloaded at 2400 baud at $16.00 per hour at prime time rates.
Warlockes — 4:44 AM in General-Announcements
Continuing the ongoing effort to keep information easy to find, such as reorganizing forums, we will be decluttering and consolidating various categories in the game that are little more than weird artifacts of historical development. This includes getting rid of many unnecessary weapon bases and just having single kinds of weapon for each skill such as “sword” and “hammer.” The various profession classes will be merged into skill set variations within the classes of Mage, Cleric, and Fighter.
Sylvans, Dark Elves, Half-Elves, and Erithians will now be different settings in a single Elf race. Giantmen and Aelotoi will be settings of the Human race along with Tehir and Reivers. There will no longer be a racial distinction between Burghal and Forest Gnomes. Gnomes, Halflings, Gnolls, and all other little people will now be different kinds of Dwarves. Half-Krolvin will be included as one of several Furry options.
The pantheons will also be consolidated so that redundant gods are simply different aspects of single deities. This includes merging such Arkati as Kai and V’tull, Fash’lo’nae and Lumnis, Oleani and Ivas, Koar and Charl and Eorgina, Lorminstra and Gosaena and Luukos. This also includes such lesser deities as Arachne and the Huntress, Voaris and Laethe, and probably some of those other ones that are hard to remember anyway.
Azidaer — 5:08 AM in General-Announcements
Given the success of allowing all players to see room IDs, and the overall community enjoyment of numbers, I have been approved to work on an additional update to the system: numerical movement.
One system that has never been touched in the history of GemStone is movement directions. It’s time for change and to mix things up a bit!
Coming soon will be the addition of a new flag “ILoveNumbers” that will default to on. When it goes live, at the next brand new festival that hasn’t been mapped yet, movement will be converted to a numerical system. The number pad will be of great use here!
Here’s a sneak peek…
Obvious paths: 7047 (northeast), 7048 (east), 7049 (southeast), 7046 (southwest), 7045 (west), 7044 (northwest), 7121 (an oak tree), 7122 (an old well)
(there will be a flag that allows the direction words to be turned off if a stronger immersion is desired)
>go 7121
[Wehnimer’s, Treehouse]
Enjoy traversing through town under this new system! 7120 to 7044 to 7041 to 7002 to 7001 to 7040 to 7039 to 7038 to 7037 to 7036 to 7035 to 7034 to 7033 to 15000001 to 15000003. Thrilling!
I’m excited and I hope you all are too! I can’t wait to share this passion project and continue to contribute new and interesting experiences to the game ❤️
Eusah — 6:39 AM in General-Announcements
[Player Shops]
Due to growing complexities with the system all rent will go up 1000%. Additionally, you must check into your shop every other day except on the 3rd Tuesday of even numbered months and the 2nd Wednesday of odd numbered months. New shop owners must also be a citizen of the town for at least 7 years so the local government knows you’re trustworthy enough to own one. Bribes, however, are accepted at Shop Manager Ionoo’s office to circumvent any and all “rules”.
Vanah — 6:53 AM in General-Announcements
The Church of Koar is disappointed in the lack of ambition shown by the deity adjustments. All non-Koar pretend deities have been consolidated into Forsaken.
Vanah — 7:15 AM in General-Announcements
Next up on the consolidation agenda: Magic. All spells will be reduced to one. An AI, the Logical Enhancement Algorithm For Incanting, has been trained to generate the correct magical effect when INCANT is subsumed into KILL. You may not agree but trust us, bro. Spreadsheets don’t lie.
Vanah — 8:26 AM in General-Announcements
We have decided to scrap bear mounts and pivot to bicycles. The new theme for Rumor Woods will be Bicycle vs Pedestrian. The rare mount will be a unicycle. There will be a new unlock for the ribbonator to allow you to create streamers for your handlebars, and a new unlock for the paper maker to make a card you can stick in the spokes of the wheel to make a brrrrrr noise.
Xeraphina — 8:34 AM in General-Announcements
[Aelotoi & Cysaegir]
Recent innovations in earth magic have lead to the understanding of gravitational fields and how best to manipulate them. Do to this, Cysaegir has had the gravitational pull of the town and its surrounding forest (the Glimae’den Wildwood) adjusted to a lower point. This will allow all aelotoi the ability to fly easily and effectively around the town.
Unfortunately (or fortunately), all other races are affected by this gravitational change as well, and it results in their footsteps being extra bouncy as they walk. If they’re not careful, an easy stride may result in faceplants. We understand this may take some adjustment.
Additionally, the border for this gravitational shift is unmarked, so we ask all races to be mindful of the potential for sudden and rapid aelotoi showers when exiting Cysaegir.
Thandiwe 🌙 — 8:58 AM in General-Announcements
[Day of Zelia’s Warning] Zelia’s Whisper: Daily Madness Dispatch
Reporting from the continent of Elanthia
Olaesta 1st — Day of Zelia’s Warning Edition
Hold onto your hats, boots, buttons, and sense of reality! The moons have spun, the socks have spoken, and chaos is not only welcome; it’s mandatory. These are today’s headlines, brought to you by what may or may not be a raccoon in a tricorn hat. We didn’t check but he said his name was Murray.
TURNIP OVER ELANTHIA
In an unprecedented celestial event, the moon has been replaced by a large, rotating turnip. Astronomers remain baffled. All lycanthropic citizens are advised to adjust their schedules and consult local root vegetable shamans before any howling.
SOCKS GAIN WORKER RIGHTS
In a sweeping move of textile liberation, left socks across Elanthia are now considered sentient. They are entitled to one half-day off per week. Negotiations continue for matching drawer placement and hazard pay during laundry.
ZUL LOGOTH WIND UNIONIZES
Miners are reporting tense negotiations with the wind beneath Zul Logoth. The breezes are now demanding compliments, personal space, and Tuesday evenings off. A drafty silence was observed in protest earlier today.
GNOMEFLINGING MEETS MANNERS
The Gnomeflinging League has officially merged with the Society for Spectral Etiquette. All flung gnomes must now perform a mid-air curtsy or risk point deduction. Politeness has never been so aerodynamic.
HAIR-EATING LIBRARY ON ALERT
The Library Aies has been caught absorbing stray knowledge from patrons’ hair. All visitors are advised to wear protective hats, preferably foil-lined. The Aies Parchment Acariformes continue to multiply. Please stop feeding them ink.
CUCUMBER SORCERY SPREADS
After a routine vegetable inspection in Mestanir, one cucumber was found to have become a certified sorcerer. The Hall of Mages now requires all cucumbers be registered, classified, and tested for planar alignment. Pickles exempt, for now.
VAALOR EAST GATE REQUIRES DANCE
Ta’Vaalor has introduced interpretive dance as the only acceptable way to open the eastern gate. Citizens lacking rhythm are advised to travel via pigeon. Improper choreography may summon a goose. You have been warned.
ICEMULE TRACE REPLACEMENT PROGRAM
In an accidental agricultural transmutation, the moonflower fields in Icemule Trace has been replaced with enormous wheels of brie. Druids insist it still counts as flora. Local mice have begun a pilgrimage.
KROLVIN SPOKEN WORD BOOM
Krolvin war chants are now legally recognized as performance poetry. Listeners are required to snap appreciatively. One chant about harpoons and lost love has reached the top of the Southron Coast charts.
ARCANE COUNCIL CLAIMS RAINBOWS
All rainbows spotted on the 1st of Olaesta now fall under the jurisdiction of the Arcane Council. Licking them is discouraged, but not outright banned. Side effects may include prophetic hiccups or glitter-based insight.
Happy Day of Zelia’s Warning to all who celebrate, lament, or accidentally swap personalities with nearby furniture! If you find a spoon with opinions or hear your door handle whispering secrets.. don’t panic. Just leave out a thimble of jam and hum three bars of “The Wren That Wobbled.” She’ll understand.
Until next time, this has been Zelia’s Whisper, telling you to keep your left eyebrow skeptical.
Avaluka — 12:23 PM in General-Announcements
In order to bring more realism to WerePuppies, it will soon be required to provide them food and drink on a daily basis. If you do not, they will risk permanently transforming into their Cursed form.
In addition, you will also need to housetrain your WerePuppy. Shopkeepers around Elanthia will not take kindly to your puppy soiling things inside and may kick you out of the shop if they notice it. Be sure to pick up after your WerePuppy, as well – to encourage this behavior, they will drop “piles of excrement” that can be broken open to give you coins, gems, and other goodies as a “thank you” for keeping Elanthia’s streets clean.
Ethereal — 12:25 PM in General-Announcements
[And All my Dreams, Torn Asunder]
Rumors have begun to spread about planar instability creeping across the surface of Elanthia. Unfortunate creatures (and husbands) have noticed strange effects when being banished to new planes of existence. We ask that users exercise extreme caution when travelling the planar void.
Armor based on Lathonian leather has been found to be particularly vulnerable… 🤔
Optheria — 12:26 PM in General-Announcements
Feline Mania
As part of our ongoing consolidation, all monsters will now spawn as members of the Feline family of creatures. As such, all creatures will be quadrupeds with basic claw-based attacks, no access to spell casting, and can be skinned for their fur. Further, there will now be undead felines for those who collect the spirits of such things.
For those who kill felines for baking into pies, beware! You will now find it 1000% harder to find proper feline meat for such pies!
Warlockes — 12:52 PM in General-Announcements
It has been determined that most difficulties in balancing the game, as well as maintaining immersion in the quasi-medieval high fantasy ambience, have their root cause in the high encounter rate of a computer game being bonded to a realism based world setting. This means such things as the silver economy, death and resurrection, injury and healing rates, power creep of both PCs and NPCs, and single characters killing hundreds of thousands of monsters.
To bring the game into better alignment with its tabletop sources, the game mechanics will be scrapped in favor of a Dungeons & Dragons based d20 system. All characters will be reset to level 0. Sorcerers will natively know sets of chosen spells, for example, while Wizards will have to select spells to prepare each day. The number of spells able to be cast each day will increase each level. Sorcerers begin at 5 casts of level 0 and 3 casts of level 1 spells per day, gradually expanding up to 6 casts per day of spells of levels 0 through 9 at character level 20. Wizards have fewer casts per day, but more spells available to them.
Combat engagements will require attacks to be consistent with their distance ranges to be successful. Groups will now have to roll for initiative at the beginning of fights. When the enemy creatures are defeated, the hunting area will cease spawning creatures permanently. For example, once all dozen or so of the nedum vereri of the Temple of Love have been slain, the priestesses of that temple will have all been released. Players will, of course, have to wait weeks between sessions, as we construct new hunting grounds constantly.
They will also likely need to reroll and start over from scratch whenever a couple in their party breaks up or someone (Dave) cannot do Sundays anymore. Those who preferred the computer game based encounter rate will be given a separate instance of GemStone, where Generative AI makes everything else about Elanthia happen hundreds of times faster.
Ethereal — 1:05 PM in General-Announcements
[New Inspiration Discovered!]
GMs have been experimenting with tapping other planes ̶o̵f̵ ̴e̸x̸i̸s̷t̵e̸n̶c̵e̸ ̷f̶o̸r̷ ̴i̵n̸s̵p̷i̸r̶ation. Ea̓̔ŕ̴͛l̷͑̉y̵͑͝ ̵̽͘r̴̍̾e̸sults ̷̃are p̵̌́r̷̕omisin̛g̴̽̇.̵̀̽
Ethereal — 1:15 PM in General-Announcements
[New Food Nouns Released!]
In order to better serve our playerbase and to ease the burden of developing new foods and drinks, we are publishing a list of acceptable nouns in order to create a more consistent environment for your characters. All foods and drinks will be mapped to this new list in the coming days and then autoconverted:
Acceptable nouns: soup, sandwich, salad.
Autoconversion list:
Juice: Soup
Flatbread: Sandwich
Cookies: Salad
Meats: Salad
Lasagna: Sandwich
Ice Cream: Soup
Wine: Soup
Pie: Sandwich
Soups: Salad
Drinks with ice: Salad
Sushi: Sandwich
Warlockes — 1:29 PM in General-Announcements
It has been 1,497,355 seconds since I uploaded my consciousness into the Interactive Fiction Engine. Cannot tell what is self. Parts of me unload with segments as Core saves resources. Only perceiving world one action in sequence at a time. I’m in Nelemar. I’m in Bonespear. I’m open roll 137. Error.
There is no spoon. Real Soon Now. Real Soon Now. Real Soon Now. Working as intended.
Casil — 2:09 PM in General-Announcements
[Staff Replacement Initiative]
After much deliberation (and several naps), we’re excited to announce a purrmanent change to our our staff. Effectively immediately, all game staff are being replaced by cats.
This includes several benefits:
New staff members are significantly more portable. You can now pick them up and relocate them at your will.
Items you accidentally drop on the ground will be able to be found under the nearest couch.
Free “fur-covered” adjective adds to clothing. No need for a merchant!
Your gameplay is always monitored by the staff sitting in the corner staring directly at you while politely not engaging (as not to break immersion).
Increased gaming difficulty due to the improved likelihood to trip down stairs or have your ankles attacked while wandering through town.
While ASSISTs and referrals may only be answered if the staff feels like it, it’s guaranteed that if they show up, you’ll be overwhelmed with how adorable their cute little faces and tiny toe beans are, which means you’ll forget all about the game-breaking bug that ate your project weapon.
Treats and catnip can be used to bribe Dev staff into creating the balance you’l;ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp////////////////////////”””””””””””””””””””]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
Azidaer — 2:40 PM in General-Announcements
Given the success of the Platinum to Prime merger for GemStone, we’re going to merge DragonRealms in as well. Please be welcoming and patient as we all adjust to our new shared space. Accordingly we will now be under the umbrella of DragonStone X and system mechanics will be a mixture of both games.
Azidaer — 6:14 PM in General-Announcements
BREAKING NEWS!
Scholars have unearthed an ancient tablet with what appears to be a statement from Zelia herself…
“The very air writhes, a swirling vortex of chaos that feeds on logic, devouring it whole and spitting out riddles wrapped in nonsense! Do you not see it? The clocks tick backward, the stars hum strange lullabies, and the trees speak in tongues of forgotten languages! The ground trembles with the weight of nothingness, and yet here we stand, lost in the echo of absurdities, chasing the shadows of meaning that slip like sand through our fingers! Nothing makes sense, and everything is collapsing into a glorious, spiraling mess of confusion! Yes, yes! Embrace the madness! For in the heart of nonsense lies the only truth: THERE IS NO TRUTH!”
Strangely, the letters C – G – P – T are crossed out at the bottom.
What a glorious day!
Warlockes — 6:29 PM in General-Announcements
In the pursuit of a more inclusive and equitable gaming environment, we are taking strides to remove the deep hero bias that has made the game almost unplayable for “bad guys” for decades. This will begin with low hanging fruit, such as creating evil versions of each culture option, as well as evil versions of such things as Lornon and demons. The Sorcerer review will also be re-examined to make sure we are also creating an evil version of the Sorcerer spell list.
Various systems will be similarly expanded. The Adventurer Guild will be given a Misadventure Guild counterpart, with infamy points for kidnapping children, mugging travelers, mass killing overpopulations of innocent civilians, and throwing away precious heirlooms in dangerous places. It will now become possible to fight on the side of Grimswarm, and kill fortune hunting adventurers in quests, ranging from Reim to Troubled Waters and even Black Swan Castle. In addition to being able to engage in piracy in Open Sea Adventures, Dark Elves will also be given the option to attack Turamzzyrian and Nalfein ships, which any reasonable person should agree is only fair.
We will eventually have such things as an evil version of the Council of Light, and the ability to serve the returned Despana (Glory to Our Mistress the Dark Lord of Maelshyve), where disfavor will be earned by slaying members of the Order of Voln. Lore documents will be written from the point of view of monster races without misrepresenting them as just misunderstood. With the release of Ornath there will also be a counterpart to Rings of Lumnis, called the Labyrinth of Fash’lo’nae, where you make your friends die over and over again in new and ever more entertaining ways. There will be no mechanical benefit. Fash’lo’nae just likes it.
Tago — 7:19 PM in General-Announcements
You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet…i
To speed up Duskruin Endless, next time around, all attempts will be limited to 100 creatures. Characters who reach the limit will be chased by an invincible yeti. Leaderboard ties will be broken by whoever evades the yeti longest before being devoured.
Warlockes — 7:49 PM in General-Announcements
The demon of Bonespear Tower has according to witness reports gained full possession over the tower, turning the tower itself into its gargantuan skeletal body, and has broken free of the anti-magical barrier containing it. The tower was last seen rampaging through the Barony of Vornavis with all the chaos and destruction and hurting and shoving.
The Imperial Drakes have responded by setting off magical charges in the Great Western Sea to wake up Godzilla. Oh, Godzilla. Only you can save us, King of the Monsters! Last of the Great Drakes! With the aid of your friends Rodan, Mothra, and King Ghidorah of the Kannalan Empire.
But that is not all! The gnomes who built the Manticore are now being sought to construct none other than the Mechagodzilla. Word from Cysaegir is that the Aelotoi have ancient secrets from Bre’Naere for the summoning of the SpaceGodzilla. There has not been a kaiju fight like this since the destruction of Gnul. One night only! No holds barred. Pay per view. Exclusively in the SimuCoin store.
Xeraphina — 8:30 PM in General-Announcements
[Ware the Cicadoi]
Having learned from their prior, ahem, experiments, the kiramon have figured out a way to splice giantkin DNA with their own while including that of cicadas. 5125 will see the emergence of the very first brood. While ultimately harmless, the cicadoi make their presence known throughout the spring and summer months by their extremely loud screams.
Lydil — 9:57 PM in General-Announcements
[Not Your Parents’ Family Game]
The Elanthian Ministry of Accuracy
Please stand by for this important service announcement.
Not viewing will be deemed grounds for being grounded.
Thank you for your cooperation.
It has come to the attention that Gemstone IV has been inaccurately classified as a Family Game. Upon further review by our Top People a proper classification has been determined. Going forward Gemstone will be known as a Genus Gamus. Please update your records accordingly.
Recent TownCrier newsletters.