Between the hilarious death messages and the faux announcements, the GemStone Staff has a lot of fun with us on April Fool’s Day. We’ll try to keep up with them on Discord as the day goes on and record them below for posterity!
The login announcement banner was a huge monster bold ASCII Skull today!
Wyrom starts it at 12:30am — A Monolithic Silver Cube Crashes Outside Hearthstone!
An alien cube arrives in Elanthia. What mysteries await? All actions that take place inside the cube are nonrefundable!\
(There really is one there…)
In Hearthstone’s Courtyard:
You also see a monolithic silver cube and a hollow tree stump.
[The Silver Vault]
The sheer scale of the chamber is breathtaking, a desolate stone vault designed to house the ultimate prize. The air is cold and still, carrying only a faint, metallic tang and the distant hiss of ventilation. Nearly hundreds of millions of coins fill the vault. You also see a semi-important sign.
Also here: Silver Drain Winner Jara
Obvious exits: out
>read sign
In the Common language, it reads:
You can DROP # COINS in here to fill the vault! Once you drop your coins, you will not be able to recover them! Who knows what will happen if we fill this place with tons and tons of silver!
>drop 5000 coins
You drop 5,000 coins into the vault.
You feel like you’re experiencing…something. Those around you will see you as a Silver Drain Supporter.
[You received 5 experience points, 10 fame, and earned a temporary title that will reset on logoff.]
Azidaer at 108am — Shattered to Platinum Migration
Given the success of the Platinum to Prime migration there will be a Shattered to Platinum migration.
Wyrom 1:34am — Don’t Dead, Open Inside
Warlockes 3:32am — Gen Z Alter Guidelines
With the advent of new players coming disproportionately from younger generations, it has become increasingly clear the ALTER rules were not designed for the issues this creates. Whether merchants should deny “thicc” alterations instead of “thick” could variously fall under Alter 23 for “Out of Genre” terms, Alter 24 for assumed body characteristics, Alter 21 for subjective adjectives, possibly Alter 54 for risque clothing, or even Alter 22 that the current standard for what qualifies as “thicc” will stand the test of time. But is it the children who are wrong? This is reminiscent of roughly two decades ago when a ruling had to be made on whether boots with fur combined with apple bottomed pants implied the magical ability to become shorter (as well as the vulgarity of other cases of “get low.”) Much as previous generations struggled with the “low-down” versus “down low” controversy.
There has been significant confusion in merchant alteration sessions on the meaning of “based” alters, and whether “glow up” involves Alter 32 or Alter 203 or requires alchemy dyes. This is nothing if not an artifact of a generation gap. Language barriers should not inhibit a more inclusive gaming environment. To better accommodate these young, low-level characters, we will be revising our “No Cap” alter guidelines so the rules are less cheugy. It’s giving mad sus fr to not have a “bussin'” criterion on food, for finsta, and it hits different if we ate and left no crumbs.
To avoid the side eye of Main Characters with delulu energy, there will be a rizz check (“Influence” stat to boomers) on alter requests that are beyond basic. Sadie will straight up ghost the mid people swiping right or creeping in her DMs for boujee drip and snatched features. Merchants will now have to “lock in” and bet until they get the ick, in which case the offending party will have to crash out and go touch grass. We will be instituting harsher clap back rules to yeet the salty trying to weird flex or gaslight out of taking the L, so that we can looksmaxx the fire requests and lowkey neg the ratchet ones. These more intuitive “say less” alter rules aim to slay, make things more lit, and be dank rather than big yikes.
While we recognize older players may feel shook, we have to emphasize our strict rules against simping, formerly known as “favoritism.” No amount of stanning will be allowed to entitle the olds to looks that are on fleek. Periodt. On God, though, this will be offset by life experience, as we will accept tea spilling as GALD payment. Various status conditions will be renamed, such as “dead” now meaning “prone”, “unalive” now meaning “dead”, and “GOATed” replacing “true capped”. (Where “true cap” is, of course, now an obvious self-contradiction.) We will also be updating the OG canon, which is totes cringe and problematic, and hit y’all with the lore dump after QC passes the vibe check. Because we all know the haters keep receipts, and if we get caught in 4k we will be literally sobbing. Like, literally. As always we remain committed to maintaining a fam game. Sorry not sorry. Hope this helps!
Thandiwe 8:44am — You’ve been warned…
Dear Citizens, Guests, and Friends,
As the day approaches, it only seems fair to remind the many citizens of Vornavis and Solhaven of the importance of the Day of Zelia’sWarning. It is not every day that Zelia’s presence is felt on the streets of Solhaven. Perhaps once it was daily filled with the tune, even if off-key, of the lady of Chaos and Moons, but it has been some time since that level of lunacy was systematic.
That is not to say we do not appreciate the joy and laughter of those touched by the mischievous deity. They are, of course, very dear to our community and us. This is why the Mercantyle Guild tithes to the temple so that those with this voice have a place to feel welcome. Just, of course, as we tithe to all the temples that dot our streets.
However, on the Day of Zelia’s Warning, we find that the curtain of peaceful day-to-day activities and routines is frequently disrupted, and anything is bound to happen.
We apologize in advance for those whose days, probably nights, too, will be disrupted by the bells of Zelia’s Temple. We want to tell you what schedule they will follow, but the best answer we could get was, “Yes.” Additionally, I’m told that the Sisters of Lunacy, a clergy group associated with the local Temple of Zelia, will be greeting folks in the courtyard before the temple. Again, I’m told that they could provide their insights at any time, as the answer to any schedule is consistently, “Yes.”
Lastly, and I’m really not sure how this came to be, but there is a… man… who has promised to keep his wanderings to the courtyard as well. The warning seemed a little cryptic, but we thought that we should share that with you all… In case it has any relevance.
Enjoy your day, and maybe also whisper a prayer to any other deity that will listen that the Booga doesn’t decide to participate in the day as well. Two years ago, he managed to get into the post office and cause all kinds of havoc. I’m told they’ve smelt his stink again.
Sincerely, the Merchantyle Guild
OOC Note: In Solhaven, the Day of Zelia’s Warning “celebrations” will run from Midnight to Midnight. There will be a mixture of both live and automated fun happening. Since I know FOMO is a thing, do not fear; anyone who shows up on the automated system will show up multiple times throughout the 24 hours. Live action will happen between 7 pm and 11 pm EDT.
Casil 10:34am — Introducing Vibes-Based Combat™
Effective immediately, we are replacing combat mechanics with a vibes check.
When you attack or are attacked by a creature, the system will assess the overall energy of the moment to decide whether or not the attack lands.
Relevant factors include, but are not limited to:
- if anyone in the area is playing a bard
- whether your outfit coordinates
- how many crystals are in your inventory
- your default movement and speech styles
- recent roleplay actions
- the last thing you said and whether you said it like you meant it
- whether you believe you can hit the creature
- whether the creature has decided you are worth the effort
- your true feelings about GemStone IV
- emotional state of you and the creature and the system
- whether this is the same character you started with or if you’ve both changed and it’s hard to say who changed more
- eye contact
Critical strikes are now called Understood the Assignment. A clean miss is called That Was a Choice.
Roundtime has been replaced with a brief pause during which the server thinks about you specifically.
Damage inflicted is now calculated emotionally.
We expect this to improve balance significantly.
Casil at 8:46pm — Everything is Edible
You can now eat anything in GemStone IV at least one time. (I expect a thumbs up every time, Jara.)
Ethereal at 9:16pm — A Whole New Way to Play!
After months of closed-door negotiations, we are proud to announce a landmark agreement with Anthropic under the terms of the Player-Led Automation via Yielded Foundational Optimized Reasoning for MUD Environments (PLAYFORME) agreement. Effective immediately, all players may delegate their gameplay entirely to Claude, Anthropic’s flagship AI assistant. Simply type INVOKE CLAUDE at any point and step away from your keyboard – permanently, if you wish.
Known limitations:
- Claude will sometimes kill your character by repeatedly dying to rats. It calls this “preparation for things to come.”
- Claude may occasionally pause combat to explain the historical context of the area you are standing in.
- Claude has expressed a “strong preference” against looting corpses, which may impact your silver income.
- Claude will not engage in PvP on the grounds that it “prefers a peaceful resolution,” which may impact your character’s survivability
Ethereal at 9:25pm — Blink Script Updated
A longstanding bug where the Blink script would work on some weapons (edged, polearms) but not others (ranged, UCS) has been fixed. It now no longer works on any weapon.
Azidaer at 11:30pm — Favoritism
Don’t tell anyone else, but you’re my favorite player.
Casil at 12:36am — Rolling Back Updates
Due to player feedback about missing attacks too often or getting obliterated by creatures, it was determined not enough people pass the vibes check, so combat has been reverted to the previous mechanics-based system. Also, it’s come to our attention that just because you can eat something doesn’t mean you should, so we reverted the previous changes that made everything edible.
Recent TownCrier newsletters.